It is time for my mid-month check in. However, this time it’s not going to be about writing. It’s going to be a rant. If you don’t like rants, don’t read further. Also, it’s going to be about “mom culture.” If that doesn’t interest you, no need to read further.
Let me start by saying there is no winning in mom culture. No matter what you do, you aren’t a good mom. At least that’s how all moms treat each other. It drives me crazy. No matter what I do or don’t do, I am not good enough. I hate being judged, but I especially hate being judged because I made a choice different than yours and that’s the only reason you have decided I am a bad mom. You don’t know me as a person; you don’t know why I made the choices I did. It doesn’t matter to you; all you know is that I am not exactly like you and don’t prescribe to the same obsessive tribe as you, so you think I’m a bad mom.
Give me a break.
I am only human. I only have one child, so this is literally the one and only time I’ve been a parent. I do the best I can.
I let me child drink soda. GASP!! And no one in my house exercises or eats enough veggies. I love that some parents make this happen but I just choose not to worry about this. It turns out my child was labeled “failure to thrive” and didn’t gain weight from the time she was 6 months to a year. She didn’t really eat “food” until she was almost two. But you didn’t ask or care to learn that about me. All you know is that she drinks soda, and therefore, I am a bad mom.
Oh and I only have one child. This is not enough. That’s right, other moms judge me because I choose to have an only child. You don’t care why I have only one child, only that I do. Another child actually told my daughter once that being an only child made her a bad kid. No. My daughter is actually a really good kid, and I’m not saying that because she’s my kid. Ask her teacher and other grownups who know her. She is a good person. That’s what I am raising at my house. Not the assholes you ladies are creating by turning them into judgey people who make blanket statements about people you don’t know. Guess what! My husband and I had a hard time getting pregnant. It was hard on us as a married couple. I also didn’t enjoy being pregnant. So, we decided together for us, one was enough. But that too makes me a bad mom.
But you can’t win. I have a friend who has 5 children and a 6th on the way. Recently on her way out of a store, a complete stranger said loud enough for my friend to over hear, “She has too many children.” WTF! This lady doesn’t know my friend or anything about her. What I know is that she loves having a big family. She takes good care of those children. She is not on welfare, which also does not make you a bad person. She also home schools them. (Which my sanity would not survive, but kudos to her). She is a great mom, but again, someone who doesn’t know her feels the need to judge her because of a choice that stranger has no say in. And having a big family makes you a bad mom.
You just can’t win. I also know women who are married and wait for it…. have no children. And they don’t plan on having any. People judge them too. Usually other women. I have actually heard someone say, “Why did you get married if you don’t want children.” Really. STFU! There is no pleasing people. No kids, one kid, or too many kids. What do you people want? You want everyone to have one girl, one boy, and that’s the only acceptable family. No, no it isn’t. You should do what is best for you and your family. So, let me say to my friends who only have “fur-babies.” I think that’s great. Love those fur-babies. Being without a human child does not make you a bad mom.
Not only do women criticize how many children you have, they also judge how you raise your children. Constantly. I have had enough of this. You can’t please any of them. I am going to tell you something and feel free to judge away, but I don’t care because I am just being honest. I let my child watch tv and play on an iPad. Yes, I know I am just perpetuating the downfall of society by letting my child have screen time, but I am not fighting the battle. It’s a battle I can’t win. She uses an iPad at school, and it’s not optional. My husband and I monitor her tv watching and iPad use very thoroughly. But yes, she uses one. I use one. My husband uses screens. Most jobs now use them. You can’t escape screens. If you choose not to let your child use any screens, again, kudos to you. However, not everyone makes that choice, why hold that against them? My child uses an iPad and that makes me a bad mom.
And guess what, bottom line. I don’t care. I am just tired of you telling me how you think I’m a bad mom or rolling your eyes at me. I would never roll my eyes at anyone during conversation, but this recently happened to me. Another mom rolled her eyes at me, several times. Okay, I get it. You don’t like me. Fine. Not everyone is going to like me. I realized that a long time ago. What you should know is that I don’t judge people for their choices. I do like to have open dialogue with people about their choices because I think it’s interesting. Apparently openly admitting my human failures makes me a bad mom too.
Maybe I am naïve, but I think people should be nice. Whether you are a mom or not. I do know that being a mom, no matter what type you are, is often a thankless job, and it would be better for all of us if we would perpetuate a positive social environment for all moms. Respect each other’s choices and realize that we are all raising our children differently. And that’s okay. Our goals for our families are all different.
I know it’s cliché, but being kind and supportive is better than judging everyone.
Be positive writing and reading this month!